Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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