I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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