god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
