and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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