he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
