yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
