fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
