3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
