she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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