Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
