I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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