He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
