Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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