Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
