Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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