the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
