White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
