I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
