I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
