I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
