i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
