all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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