Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
