So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
