I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
