Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
