Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
