you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
