i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
