Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
