dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
