Me. At least after what I've been through.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
