Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
