we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize