nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
