Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
