Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize