we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
