whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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