I can tuck mytits in my pants
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
