You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
