the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize