Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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