dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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