I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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