Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
