Taylor Swift is so right about you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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