I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
