i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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