Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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