you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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