y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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