So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
