May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
tell me about the eggs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
