Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
