I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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