and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
