Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
