I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
