After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
