WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
