Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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