You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
