it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
