Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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