He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize